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|Name:||Aglaya “Aggie” Mikhailovna Tsaritsyna|
|Birthdate:||Jul 7, 1993|
[The video loads and is black for a moment. There’s a clang, a bang and muttered curses. After some shuffling, there is a young woman sitting in front of a messy desk wth an unmade bed behind her. Her thick rimmed glasses are crooked and there’s a strand of dark hair hanging in front of her face. She tucks the hair behind her ear and gives a half hearted smile.]
Give a hot and all around awesome math major a magic sword and tell her to save the world. What could possibly, ever, go wrong, right? ...Yeah, tell me this is some sort of joke. Please? Pretty, pretty please with like, kittens and fluffy rabbits on top?
Aw, come on. How am I even supposed to lift this thing? It weighs more than a friggen twenty year old computer. Okay, you know what, I’m just going to go off to the side and curse at the heavens before I go explain exactly why I’m not completely off my rocker.
[The video flicks black for a moment, then cuts back to the girl sitting there, breathing not quite evenly. She fixes her hair once more then gives a more bitter sort of smile.]
...Okay, I’m good now. Probably need a few new cups and plates and- You know, lets forget that, ‘kay? I mean, I’m still me. Still good ol’ Aggie, with a perfectly normal pair of parents, normal friends, a sort of awesome college, and a normal job serving up burgers at Mc Donald’s, which by the way, is still shit and they still need to give me a raise.... Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, I don’t have to do anything if I don’t want to.
Oh, who am I kidding? I flung that piece of trash sword in the dumpster and I walked into my apartment and it was sitting right on my text books. And I know, I know, sounds loony. I should be going to some sort of loony bin in loonyton. Wooo~ Yeah...
Now, Diary, if you were sentient, you’d probably be wondering ‘How the flying flipping fish sticks did you get a magic sword Aggie?’ You see, I was just making my way back from work, got myself a vanilla latte and a peaches and cream muffin from Starbucks and was munching down, minding my own business. Then BOOM! Flash of light in the alley. No, I’m not kidding. Seriously, big flash of light! It was even like teal or cyan or, well, whatever. Is there even a difference between teal and cyan?
Anyway, I’m like, the biggest idiot on the planet and instead of side stepping the thing I go ‘Oh, looky-here, mysterious light. I’ll go be like every stupid movie hero and check it out!’ And there was this guy, white hair, totally looked like Legolas if he had even lighter hair. He even had the pointy ears and a bow and arrow. And I’m like ‘Hey dude, I didn’t know there was a Lord of the Rings convention in town.’ Except not really, because I was too busy staring at the guy.
And then Legolas, yeah, that’s what I’m gonna call him because he’s too shitty for me to call him by his real name, went on this big ol’ speech on how the world needed me and other mumbo jumbo and then handed me the friggen sword. I was going to be like ‘Yeah, you’re nuts,’ but I was too busy gaping and dropping my coffee.
Then he said, “I’ll be seeing you Aglaya” and poofed away. Poof! More cyan-teal-whatever light and I’m there blinking. So I throw the sword in the dumpster and walk away pretending that never, ever happened. After, well, I already told you.
So, what’s gonna happen Diary? I really, really don’t know. Hopefully, I just wake up in the morning and find out this was all some weirdo joke by Jamie. Then I can kick her ass.
[The girl sighs and reaches out a hand to turn off the camera.]
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